In Defense of Ginny Miller

Let's put on our thinking caps for a second.

 In Defense of Ginny Miller

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of self-harm, sexual assault, depression and mommy issues.

On January 5th the second season of the Netflix hit series (thank you Taylor Swift) Ginny & Georgia came out and got people talking again. This season was genuinely better than the last in a lot of ways but mostly because they spent more time focusing on the complexities of Ginny & Georgia’s mother/daughter relationship and diving deeper into Ginny’s complicated feelings towards her mother, her trauma, and her relationship with self-harm. 

Just like last season though, the Ginny hate persisted. And I’ll be honest, it genuinely gets under my skin. I find Ginny & Georgia to be such an interesting show. I’m not going to lie and say it’s the best writing I’ve ever seen, they have their ridiculous moments (the biracial off in Season 1 comes to mind) but they’ve worked their way into making a truly thought-provoking story that challenges the way people think about mother/daughter relationships. For better or for worse. 

I find Ginny hate to be kind of immature. Because at the core any problems people have with Ginny would be a reflection of Georgia, no? To pit a mother and child against each other is just silly seeing as Ginny is Georgia’s responsibility and anything people dislike about Ginny would be something that Georgia either instilled in her or never corrected. While it’s true that Georgia did the best she could with what she had, and I will never discredit that – I find that people who watch this show struggle with my favorite saying in the world. 

“Two things can be true at once.” 

Georgia had a very hard life. No one looked out for her, nobody protected her, and she had to learn how to take care of herself and later her kids by any means necessary. She was never allowed to be vulnerable, she was never allowed to feel safe, she was never allowed to be. The only thing she did before she got to Wellsbury was struggle. She fought to keep her children safe and tried her best to keep everything from them so they would never know the struggle and the pain that she knew. 

BUT. 

They still knew struggle and pain. And a lot of the times that pain was inflicted by Georgia. Of course, we all know that she never wanted to or meant to hurt them, but she was so hyper-focused on protecting them from a different pain she never considered the pain that she caused by constantly displacing them, avoiding the hard conversations, and hiding things from them until it was too late.

There are a million different things that I think are wrong with the way that some people consume shows like this. But the biggest one is having to make someone the one true evil or “villain”. It completely robs characters of the right to their own emotions and distracts from the larger story.

We all know that Georgia’s not a bad person but good intentions don’t make you perfect or even right. 

Without the murder storyline, Georgia and Ginny’s relationship reflects a lot of children who grew up in poor single-parent homes. Speaking from experience, there’s no pain like knowing your mother works herself to death to make sure that you’re okay and there’s nothing more confusing than feeling like even though she keeps you safe and fed.. your feelings might not be a priority to her.

A lot of our parents grew up thinking that because their parents took care of them and did the bare minimum when it came to parenting, their feelings didn’t have to matter. Because at the end of the day, their parents did their job and they did their best. To them, that matters more than their “little feelings being hurt”. That’s how they learned to cope. But then they grew up, had children of their own, and repeated that cycle.  

This thought process reminds me a lot of this scene in Fences dir. Denzel Washington.

This scene used to get under my skin so much and my family always told me “you just don’t get it.” Not because I didn’t understand it in the context of the movie, but because they all believed that was a sentiment to live by. I don’t remember the plot of Fences, but I’ll always remember this scene because too many parents feel like that. Too many adults in my life agree with that. 

A parent sacrificing everything for you and loving you is supposed to be enough. But to quote Georgia, sometimes love isn’t enough. Feeling like your parents only take care of you out of obligation is the worst feeling in the world. That’s their job. They brought you here. 

Wanting to feel like your parent likes you for who you are should not be such a bold request.

Now I know all of you are reading this like… “But Siyyan, Georgia is nice to Ginny. She’s trying to be her friend but Ginny is so ungrateful that she won’t let her.” 

In the first half of the Season and also in the therapy scene, Georgia is giving me Denzel Washington in Fences vibes. Constantly discounting all of Ginny’s negative feelings towards her because she felt attacked. She thought that because Ginny had a “childhood” none of her concerns or her pain related to her life mattered because she didn’t struggle in the same way that Georgia struggled. A lot of parents feel that way too because according to them we didn’t have it as hard as they did we’re lucky and we’re spoiled. 

Obviously, there are very dire and unusual circumstances in their story. But I want to simplify it for a second. At the end of the day, Ginny is hurt by Georgia, Ginny is scared of Georgia. Ginny is so hurt, so scared, and so confused that she took her little brother and ran away to live with her dad. 

That’s not normal. And no Paul, it’s not something that teenagers do. 

I completely understand why Georgia would feel betrayed and hurt by her children not wanting to be around her but she’s the adult. I completely understand why Georgia doesn’t have healthy coping mechanisms or why she doesn’t know how to regulate her emotions. But she’s the adult, she’s the mom. She knew why Ginny ran away and she wouldn’t talk to her about it. She just retaliated back at her as if they were both fifteen years old. When they do finally talk in the car, Ginny has to be the one to come to her and that’s not something that I enjoy. Because that wasn’t her responsibility. 

If this season did anything, they highlighted a fact that’s been true from the very beginning. Georgia’s not a perfect parent. 

She’s kinder to her daughter than most, and unfortunately, that’s not even something a lot of people can say about their mothers. But just because she has good moments doesn’t mean she’s perfect. Just because she sacrificed everything for her kids doesn’t mean she’s done no wrong. Most mothers have sacrificed everything for their children. And I don’t know if this is a hot take… but Ginny doesn’t owe her anything. 

Whenever the #discourse about not owing your parents anything comes up, I do feel like it’s important to acknowledge that feeling gratitude for what your parents did is not the same thing as owing them your life. You can 100% feel grateful, but you are not obligated to give them anything because you didn’t ask to be here. You didn’t shove yourself into their lives and make them raise you. And if you had a bad time, that trauma exists, it doesn’t disappear because your parents had you and didn’t commit child neglect… 

All over Tik Tok, where most of Ginny's slander exists, there are edits of Georgia in the therapy scene and the scene where she comforts Ginny after finding out she’s self-harming. All of the comments are full of “Ginny’s so ungrateful”, and “I wish I had a mom like Georgia.” 

And I don’t want this to come off as a newsletter all about dissing Georgia. I really love Georgia, I understand her completely. There’s nothing that she’s ever done where I don’t understand where she’s coming from, even when she’s wrong. 

But I feel like people aren’t watching the same show I’m watching. 

Georgia reading Ginny’s private journal, barging into her room, and then forcing her to pull her pants down and show her self-harm scars was not…. ideal. Georgia joining in on Ginny’s therapy session spontaneously and then centering herself in a conversation that was about Ginny’s feelings and what drives her to self-harm was not good either. And yes, Georgia later has a breakthrough, apologizes to her, makes amends with her, and moving forward is far more honest than she ever was before. But that’s not the point. 

People always get on Ginny for her responses to Georgia but I feel like we’re expecting way too much from a teenage girl who was never taught how to effectively communicate, who was never taught how to regulate her emotions, and who basically had the foundation of the world that she knew (that was never all that stable in the first place) ripped from under her. 

Idriss @joiedevivrex2

y’all expecting emotional maturity from a 16 year girl is so wild where was she gonna learn that from? her unstable mom or absent father??

“I know you did a lot for me and I know it was hard. But until now I’ve never lived in a town long enough to have a friend. I’ve always been the new girl. Always alone. And that’s all I knew and it was hard. And I have the right to be upset by that. I have my own experience too, mom.” – Virginia “Ginny” Miller. (Ginny & Georgia Season 2)

Now, let’s talk about Kenny. 

I’ve made a few jokes about Ginny being over-dramatic about Georgia killing Kenny because I (a 20-year-old adult) would be proud of my mom for killing the man that just assaulted me. But because you people cannot be normal I’m going to explain why she reacted the way she did. 

Imagine growing up in a life where you’ve literally never known peace. Constantly moving, constantly having men in and out of your house, (and this is not to slut shame Georgia but as a kid, there’s a lack of normalcy and familiarity there because these men are strangers to you.), and constantly feeling like you have to be the adult in the house. Georgia says in the therapy scene, “At least she had a childhood.” but did she?

Anyway, imagine all of that. You’re only fifteen years old. This is the only life you’ve ever known.

You just learned that not only is your mother unreliable in the emotional sense, but she also has secret guns in the house. Guns that are for your safety, but guns that you didn’t know about. You also learn that she’s been lying to you your entire life about not having grandparents or a family, instead of just telling you that they’re not good or safe people to be around. Then, you learn that your mother killed a man and that a private investigator is looking into it. 

Imagine the panic that sets in. You can’t trust your mother at all. The only person that’s ever cared for you is someone that you can’t trust. She’s an entirely different person than the person that she’s shown you. How would you cope with that? 

Not to mention the clear guilt that she felt about Kenny’s death. 

I’ve seen so many people saying she had no reason to feel sympathy for Kenny as if Kenny isn’t her abuser. To feel sympathy and guilt and shame towards your assault is normal. Pair that with knowing for a fact that a man was murdered because of you. 

What if you didn’t go down there? What if you didn’t react like that? Would he still be alive? 

We watch Ginny struggle with that all throughout the first half of the season, feeling guilty about what happened to Kenny and how he died. Struggling with the fact that all her life she grew up knowing that murder was wrong, but then learning that her mother – someone that she loved (yes, Ginny loves her mother) – had committed it. How could she ever be okay with that? If she had never been born would her mother’s hands be clean? 

Kenny should’ve died. Point, blank, period. I have no moral or ethical issues with Georgia killing him. Good for her! But I understand Ginny’s point of view, and I wish more people did. It’s a very complicated issue that I think people are approaching too casually. Your mother killing people on your behalf isn’t normal. That doesn’t happen usually, (or maybe it does, I don’t know what happens in your houses) so how would you have her react?

I’m a little split on the issue of whether or not Georgia should’ve told Ginny about Kenny originally. Because like I said, this is a very unusual situation. How do you even approach that? I think it would’ve been better for her to know. Maybe not originally, but probably the second the private investigator started coming around. 

Because when Ginny learned about Anthony Green, she was uncomfortable and disturbed, but she appreciated the honesty. And when Jesse came around that last time, she wasn’t blindsided. She knew exactly how to handle it.

“That’s what I need from you mom, I need you to listen to me and understand that what you do impacts me.” — Virginia “Ginny” Miller (Ginny & Georgia Season 2)

I feel like growing up in a house where conflict is avoided creates children that don’t know how to address their feelings until it becomes too much for them to handle. This leads to them blowing up, and I think that’s where the disconnect comes with people understanding Ginny. Being a teenage girl is hard as it is, but it’s almost as if Ginny navigates the world blind because she’s never been taught the basics. 

She’s also biracial and presents to the world as a black girl, with a white mother who doesn’t understand that and doesn’t talk to her about it. And friends who will never understand it and don’t even acknowledge it half the time. (and an ex-boyfriend who basically called her a slur because he was mad her poem was better than his wack-ass essay). 

All of these are factors in her behavior that you guys find annoying. All of these are factors that bleed into her relationships, it perfectly explains why she’s always on the defensive, she doesn’t know how to react to things and she’s in a situation where she doesn’t feel like she’s allowed to be.

I see people who have gotten off the Ginny hate train saying “She’s so much better now! She’s communicating instead of blowing up for no reason.” And I just find that funny because of course the fifteen-year-old girl would be better after she started going to therapy and learning how to have healthy coping mechanisms. 

All of her reactions in Season 1 are the direct result of all of her fears and insecurities. The way she handled her mom and others was because she didn’t have the tools she needed to survive. Georgia can’t possibly be responsible for everything Ginny did and felt, even though she’s her mom – Ginny is still a teenager. Georgia didn’t make Ginny cheat on Hunter, but she is probably the reason Ginny didn’t know to sit down and talk to Hunter about being afraid that he didn’t like her. 

In Season 2 after she starts going to therapy, every time Ginny felt insecure about her relationship with Marcus, she confronted him. 

In Season 1, pre-therapy, if Ginny would’ve realized her mother was ripping her out of the first place she ever got to plant roots in, she would’ve had a fit. She would’ve screamed at her mother, they would’ve argued and she probably would’ve run away. 

And even though I don’t appreciate Georgia barging into Ginny’s therapy appointment, her breakthrough afterward is something to be acknowledged too. Because after that session, when she starts to revert to old ways (running when things get hard) Ginny is able to pull her back into reality, and Georgia is able to communicate to Ginny about what’s scaring her. The two of them finally being able to understand each other is my favorite part of the season. Because just because their lives are unconventional, that doesn’t mean that conventional communication wouldn’t help them. 

I started seeing Ginny hate from people who had finished the season while I was in the middle of it, and now that I have – I don’t understand how the hate is persisting. The show could not have been more clear about Ginny’s feelings, what’s scaring her, why she lashes out, and what she needs and desires from her life. They also made a point to directly call out all the ways that Georgia struggles in her parenting and how that negatively impacts Ginny. Doctor Lily literally sits in front of her and tells her that she’s wrong. 

There’s nothing I can say in this newsletter that the show didn’t say. 

Actually, here’s one thing. The reason you guys are so hard on her is because she’s Black, let’s be real for a second. Because if she was played by Katie Douglas or any other white girl, you would’ve found a way to sympathize with her by the first episode. I can’t continue this in good faith without mentioning that. The absolute vitriol that she is faced with simply wouldn’t exist if she was white. You wouldn’t find her “outbursts” aggressive or abrasive or annoying, you would find them real. You would’ve seen the issues with Georgia’s parenting, you would’ve been leading the charge on the defense tweets. This newsletter would already have been written by someone else.

Ginny is kind and sweet. She’s supportive of all her friends and family. She’s funny, she’s a Christmas nerd. She plays piano. She’s intelligent. She annotated Romeo and Juliet in the seventh grade. There’s so much about her to love. Even the flaws that you all hate so much because they make her a well-rounded person and they help to see who she really is. She’s genuinely one of the better characters to come out of these “corny” teen dramas.  All of her happy and happy-ish moments were my favorite part of the show. And sure, she has a lot of cringey moments and sometimes she reacts irrationally but if you don’t do things at fifteen that you’re gonna kick yourself about at night when you’re lying in bed at twenty….then have you really lived? 

“You’re so smart and creative. I didn’t even go to high school but you… You’re a miracle. I can’t believe someone like you came from someone like me.” –Georgia Randolph (Ginny & Georgia Season 2)